Things My Husband Says: #notmyboy

I am not sure how it happens but I seem to be attracted to eccentric people who like to push the boundaries of what would be considered normal. In this instance it’s custom outfits for dogs. This new friend (who just might be my soul sister) posts the coolest pictures and I find myself thinking oh yes, I must do this. It’s at this point that I loose my husband’s respect. When two little custom outfits arrived in the mail and I got all giddy with joy he slunched his shoulders and begged oh so pitifully for me to please, please not make his boy wear that. I did feel for him until I just tested the outfit and my little boy lit up like a Christmas tree. He loved his outfit. I was like “look honey, he likes it” as he pranced around all impressed with himself. With shoulders slunched a little more and head now hanging my husband just left the room mumbling something under his breath but the bottom line was he knew he’d lost this round. The pups were a big hit at the Independence Day party… 07-03-2016 4 07-03-2016 9 07-03-2016 16 07-03-2016 19 07-03-2016 20 07-03-2016 33 07-03-2016 40 07-03-2016 41 07-03-2016 42

We are visiting a goat farm in a few months and I’m thinking my little girl needs a milk maid’s dress. What do y’all think?

Things My Husband Says #theGilbertconnection

Background: We’re empty nesters. We now have to entertain our own selves yet we don’t like the same tv shows or basically any of the same things. We do, however, drink a little. We don’t like to drive if we’ve been drinking, even in small amounts. Ok, we don’t really know the meaning of small doses. We like being alive too much to drink and drive. We’re too cheep to pay for a DUI . Take your pick. The point is we have a lot of time at home, just the two of us and our liquor cabinet, and our 3 dogs plus one psycho cat. Soooo… we listen to a lot of Pandora cranked up while enjoying a few coctails in the evenings. We’ve added a competitive level to our listening by trying to name that artist before the one can.

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A song comes on. I’m feeling the knowledge. I can get this one. The wheels are turning in my head. The mumbling of my random thoughts are putting it together. My fingers are tapping each other like I’ve just figured out the plot to take over the world. I’ve got it and I announced the artist. This is what followed:

Him:  How you got there I’ll never know. (knowing something crazy just went down in my brain)

Me: Brantley Gilbert – Little House On The Prairie – Laura Ingles – Melissa Gilbert – Gilbert – Brantley Gilbert – duh!

Laura's happyarrow-clip-art-othersBrantley_Gilbert_2013

Things My Husband Says #fingerpokerthings

Me (text to him while he was out of town)…

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When he got home: “Finger poker things? OMG”

*Background: 1)We hate grocery shopping so much that we have decided we should both suffer rather than one or the other enduring this torture alone. I was being super awesome and doing the grocery shopping myself while he was out of town hence the “no good deed” reference and 2) Finger poker things is not the technical term but it might as well be. I can’t seem to ever recall what they should be called and have been using this term for 25+ years now. They are for checking one’s blood sugar.

**Note: Um, wtf? I’m out solving the world’s problems aka grocery shopping and fixing a broken vehicle and he’s drinking beer???

***Follow up report: This was about a week ago and we’ve eaten the aforementioned food. We survived.

****Note 2: Aforementioned is all one word? Who knew? Learn something new every day!!

Things my husband says (the new kitten)…

Him: What the hell was that?

Me: Oh my God you squished the cat!

Him: We have a cat?????

Ok let me explain my side of the story….

It’s all my daughter-in-law’s fault. You see before she was my daughter-in-law, when she was in college living alone Ali decided to adopt a cat. She went to her local pet store’s adoption event and found the most precious little black kitten named Willow. Willow was not old enough to get “fixed” yet so they wouldn’t let Ali take the kitten home just yet. She visited nearly every day and of course sent me pictures. When it came time to spay Willow a serious health issue presented that made adoption impossible. Ali was devastated. I was devastated. She and I chatted on Skype a lot back then. Ali had already paid all of the adoption fees and the agency would not refund her money. A college student doesn’t have much money yet there are tons of kittens in need of good homes. I searched Craig’s list for kittens and sent her several options but she wasn’t ready. Meanwhile, I was in love with ALL of the kittens.

I had been touting the benefits of having chosen a black cat to Ali because they (usually) don’t produce the same dander that causes allergies. This, allergies for my husband and younger son, were the main reasons we didn’t have a cat. I had forgotten about the black cat thing. Hmmmm, maybe I could have a cat again.

All of this transpired just as my husband was about to go out of town for four days and naturally I had found the perfect kitten. Heck, if Ali wasn’t going to go see this kitten I just might have to. I could take the dogs to see if they could get along. I could bring the kitten home and make sure our son didn’t have any reaction. If he did and/or the kitten didn’t work out the hub-unit would be none the wiser.

kitten 2

Seriously. Look at those kittens. How could I resist.

Anyhoo, how the above convo went down…

So the kitten comes home. Dogs adjust beautifully. Son loves the kitten. The two of them bond like I never could have imagined. The four days pass and it’s time for the hub-unit to return. It’s Thursday night. It’s football season. I’ve decided a hearty batch of margaritas will help ease my tension of telling him what I’ve done. I also decide a pizza (frozen but with extra toppings) will be the perfect greeting after a long time away.

He comes home, greets me, put his luggage in our room and smells the pizza. *This is where he should have known something was up. But instead he was just happy to be home and excited about the pending pizza extravaganza.  Keep in mind, I’ve been SUCKING down the margaritas. Plus, his flight was delayed. Yes it was only a 30 minute delay but in tequila minutes that’s a lot!

Next thing I know he’s in the living room turning on the tv and getting in on the game channel while I’m pulling the pizza out of the oven. Our tv is located mounted above an archway and the best vantage point is opposite this location in MY recliner clear across the room, not in view of the kitchen. He has the remote in his hand and begins to back up. I saw that part but keep in mine – margaritas! He proceeds to plant his fanny on the edge of the recliner to listen to the pre-game rhetoric and low and behold a little tiny squeaky noise comes from the chair.

He comes flying out of the chair. I come running from the kitchen wielding the pizza cutter and I hear him: What the Hell was that? At which point I freak out and holler: Oh my God you squished the cat!

Little miss Chloe Cat has been a beloved member of our family ever since.

354Chloe and more 001 She really love the men in this house!