Category: Note To Self:

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Note to self #21 – Kill Phone Activity App

When you find yourself regularly screaming “Fuck you – you be more active bitch” to your phone it might be time to disable your activity app. I have a Samsung Galaxy which comes preloaded with S Health. At some point I probably set it up to track my activity since my husband has the same phone and doesn’t get this crap. If my phone notifies me one more time to “be more active” or one of it’s other attempts at getting me to move more I’m going go all Office Space on that bitch.office space printer

 

The other day I’d been in freak-out-over-looming-guests-mode (aka cleaning like a maniac because company was coming to stay for the holidays and I can’t just shove things behind a door and close it like I can for dinner guests). Anyhoo, idk like 3 hours of running from one end of the house to the other dusting, scrubbing, sweeping, moping, laundering and then I started to wash a few dishes. My phone bleeped and before getting my hands wet I thought I’ll give it a quick check to see what that was so I can wash dishes in peace. And there it was. That bitch had the nerve to tell me to “be more active”. Seriously? I mean I had the upbeat music cranking and the heart rate was definitely not in sedated/couch potato mode. That bitch has done this to me too ma
ny times. I think she’s trying to be motivational but I just want her dead.  I mean like if I could pull her out of the phone and beat her with a big stick I soooooo would. But then again that bitch would probably just tell me I needed to do more, swing harder, be more ferocious, or some shit.

Bottom line: I must find and destroy this app before she destroys what’s left of my self esteem!!!

group-texting-broken-phone-1

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Note to self #19: Don’t get sick the day you start your vacation

Yep. You heard that right. I got sick the morning we left for our trip to Key West. Well there’s more to the story. For a week prior to the trip I decided that I should really get some sun before the trip. My gym has tanning included so problem solved. Since I almost never go to my gym I’m assuming this is where I came in contact with a whole new cesspool of germs even though I thorougCommon-cold-remedy_fluhly cleaned the beds before and after my sessions.

Monday morning comes and I wake with a little sore throat. I chalk it up to a change in the season (even though I live in Florida and we have no such thing). We hit the road for the four hour trek to Ft. Lauderdale. By the time we get there I’m feeling run down and I’ve been coughing a lot. The congestion has begun.

I’ll spare you the ‘blow by blow’ of my cold-from-hell but needless to say it put a damper on our trip. I got the DayQuill/NiQuill combo pack and stayed doped up the whole time. It didn’t really work that well or maybe it did and I would have been a hell of a lot worse without it but I powered through like a rock s
tar anyway. Well more like a strung out rock star but still.

Of the four of us on the trip, only one (not me) managed not to get sea sick on our fishing charter. I totally lost my cookies (and everything else I had eaten all week) on our parasailing adventure. My husband wanted me to take the first leg of our eight hour trek home on Sunday so I was jacked up on 5 hour energy or I would have slept the whole way. He took pitty on me when he saw my puffy, blowfish-est face that morning and drove the whole way.

Bottom line. Don’t subject yourself to a whole new cesspool of germs right before your big vacation or you’ll be forced to party like a strung out rock star (or sleep through the whole thing).